June has been the biggest month of change in my life in a long time. It has manifested itself as a roller coaster. Here has what has transpired in June: moved into a new (to me) house, had some job adjustment, my father had surgery, had a few incredible shows, changed medication a few times, had some serious IIH lows, and had another lumbar puncture this week.
And I’m still on the ride with my seat belt on and my hands up.
I could not have predicted the ride I have been on this month. The moments of uncertainty have been met with 20/20 clarity and the moments of sheer frustration have been met with encouragement.
The scary and wonderful thing about being on a roller coaster is that when you’re climbing up the hill, unsure if there’s a cork screw after the drop, you have to let go and let the roller coaster do it’s thing. You can’t stop the car. You can’t choose what happens next. You can’t change the pace.
Putting my hands up is the opposite of how I would choose to operate. Usually, I am in the car of the roller coaster trying to change the tracks and frantically calling the operator to make changes I see fit for my ride.
There were set backs this month, being on Prednisone for two plus weeks was like having a kid sitting behind me barfing on the back of my head making everything terrible. I hate that kid for barfing on me but things got better once that bend in the track was over.
Luckily, I’m feeling better, post lumbar puncture, though I still have a lot of unanswered questions. Looking forward, I’m making conscious efforts to just put my hands up and go along for the ride. I’m ordering the wings I’ve never had. I’m traveling to places I have never been. And I’m finally excited and about to get back on the train.
Annie Lockwood 