Why Do I Eat Wings?

As a Southerner by birth, all holidays, all occasions, and all celebrations revolve around food. To me, I didn’t throw a good party unless everyone has a full belly and standing around the kitchen talking all night long.

When I take time to eat wings with someone, it’s more than happenstance. It’s a way to show someone you want to be comfortable with them. No one on God’s green earth looks cute eating wings and being able to eat them in front of someone that you think is cute (without wing sauce on their face) is special.

Late in high school, my sister and I became really close friends. We finally understood each other and every once in a blue moon we would go to Buffalo Wild Wings and talk about everything. When I went off to college and would come home on breaks, we had a standing date to go get wings and/or Zaxby’s. It really gave us time to be our unapologetic selves away from our parents.

As I have gotten older, I have become emotionally more guarded. If I can go to dinner with someone and they can enjoy the experience of having wing sauce all over our faces and hands, that’s how I know I can be comfortable with them.

The “I don’t care if I look like a zombie ripping flesh from the bone with spicy blood all over my face.” empowers me to be a little less guarded. I can’t be perfect with wings and I shouldn’t be. It lets the person I’m with know that I am not here to pretend to be something I’m not. I’m imperfect! I’m a strong woman who just wants to eat wings and do comedy…

Ordering a salad with dressing on the side and no croutons is not who I am. (Although sometimes it’s important to eat healthy.) I don’t want to feel like I have to impress you by how little I can eat to look like a sad Barbie.

If you can’t handle me at my buffalo wing, you don’t deserve me at  my buffalo flavored caviar. (I don’t think this makes sense but it would make a great little motivational meme with Audrey Hepburn with wing sauce on her face… so essentially me in a My Fair Lady costume eating wings. Okay, I have found my new purpose. Make a movie accurate dress from the horse race scene and wear it to eat wings.)