Mistakes Were Made, Lessons Learned

We all make mistakes and sometimes they can be upsetting and disappointing. I can think of a few instances where I knew better. I can think of guys that I wasted time on and wings that weren’t worth the ranch they were dipped in. (More times than not, it happened at the same time.)

Here are my least favorite wings in Atlanta that do not deserve a “clucking” rating.

  • Henry’s Midtown: a gorgeous patio and fun cocktails but their Hot Chipotle wings had no flavor, no kick and were smaller than expected for the price, almost $8/1lb.
  • Varner’s: If you are OTP and find yourself in Smyrna, do yourself a favor and drive back into the perimeter. Sports bars make the mistake of a massive menu with items poorly prepared. Varner’s wings were a generous size but their sauce was so runny (too much butter, too little consistency).  Side note: Kyle Gillis used to run a room in their bar area that was great for trying out new jokes. That’s how come I was there, okay?
  • Domino’s: Yeah, I know this is self explanatory but it needs to be said. I made this mistake after a long week, I wanted pizza and wings. If you like the taste of frozen wings prepared in the same oven as your pizza then you’re in luck! If you are having friends over and want to order wings from here… DO NOT! SAVE YOUR FRIENDS THE MISERY!
  • Checkers: This is another “duh” but when I worked in Lennox Mall at Urban Outfitters and Van’s (both part time, at the same time, and making $8.50 before taxes) you eat garbage from the food court. Also, at this time in my life, wings at Checkers was better than no wings at all. The unintentional bright red sauce matching the logo ties the whole sad experience together. They will also make your shift fitting people for skate shoes more difficult because you will be visiting the employee restroom often enough that people will ask why you are sweating.
  • Zaxbys: I have a confession… I know these are garbage fast food wings but sometimes I just hate myself so much that I order a Wings N Things platter with 5 Wings (I prefer medium sauce), 3 tenders, celery sticks, french fries, Texas toast, Zax Sauce and Ranch, with a Diet Coke. A grand total 1490 calories! Don’t eat this unless you are upset or haven’t eaten anything but dry lettuce all day.

Published by Annie Lockwood

Annie is a stand up comic based in Atlanta. She is passionate about comedy, concerts, and buffalo wings.

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